Sweetwater
by kalobuko
Summary: A story of pain and hurt with Duo and Hilde. Love conquers all, they say, but can it conquer the problem in this fic?
1. Default Chapter

0SW

  
  
I've got to go over to the McMillen Mechanical shop today, called Duo as he entered the bathroom to get a shower. They have some sort of scraped mobile suit that they want me to pick up and bring it back here.  
What on earth for?  
He turned the water on. I guess maybe because they think you can do something with it. You know how Bill is, he's always wondering about new things to keep you busy!  
Hilde grumbled. I don't like Bill. He thinks we belong together or something!  
Duo didn't hear over the hiss of running water. Hilde padded into the kitchen and started breakfast.  
  
Over his cup of coffee, Duo watched Hilde as she cleaned up. Do you want to come with me? he asked, hoping that she would say no.  
No way. Bill'll try to hit on me, she made a sour face, rinsing off the pan she'd used to fry Duo's scrambled eggs in. Have you seen how he stares at me?  
He didn't answer, thumbing through the newspaper. She looked over at him, noticing that he'd been acting strangely for the past few days. Ever since Bill, the owner and past partner of the junk yard, had started to become more and more smitten with Hilde, though his feelings weren't reciprocated.  
  
I'll be back in a while, Duo said at the door, his cap in his hand. Hold down the fort while I'm gone.  
Hilde smiled and bid him goodbye, her eyes peeled on him as he climbed into the transport truck. Take care, Duo.  
  
Oh my God! Hilde reeled forward as a news break displayed a flaming image of the McMillen Mechanical shop. No! Duo, oh God!  
Shrapnel and flying bits of flame spewed from the building as it exploded, collapsing on itself as firefighters scrambled to contain it. Tears streamed down Hilde's face as she watched, terror screaming, twisting in her gut. It had been two hours since he left. He'd have been there only five minutes when it happened. On the screen, the disembodied head of the scrap mobile suit rocked gently on the ground, the bright reflection of a ravaging fire on its protective camera shield.   
she repeated, falling to her knees in front of the TV. Duo, no...God...  
  
Bill put his hand on her shoulder. I'm so sorry.  
Why are you and the others still alive, Bill? she asked, angrily shoving his hand away. Tell me why Duo was the only one that died!  
I'm sorry.  
She got up, wearing a black dress and veil over her puffy, tear-ridden eyes. Get out. I can make it to the Maxwell Chapel on my own.  
  
Tears falling constant as a waterfall, Hilde shrank away from the compassionate and sympathetic hugs of the people who Duo had come to know. She sat on the front pew of the chapel, where an empty casket stood covered with white calla lilies and forget-me-nots. The guests slowly filed out, leaving her alone.  
Why didn't I go with you? she asked herself. Why couldn't I have been there? So I wouldn't be alone now. Duo...I miss you too much already and you've only been gone three days.  
  
They never found his remains, and Hilde still had the hope inside to believe that he was still alive. But if he was alive, where was he? She eventually controlled her weeping, never touching or misplacing anything in the house. Not a spec of dust came to land on any of his personal objects, and Hilde contented herself only by keeping up the routine she'd built with him over the years.  
But still she would get so lonely and so depressed. Three months, three agonizing months after he'd passed away, Hilde found herself in the kitchen, staring at the basket of medications she'd been prescribed. Her fingers curled around one single bottle and she felt hot tears fall over her cheeks, the familiar sting in her nose.   
I love you, she said, popping the top off, dumping the yellow and red gel tabs onto the counter. I love you too much to go on.  
  
You've been admitted to the new hospital on a satellite, said Doctor Kentson. Located between La Grange points four and five. It was built not too long after the end of the Eve Wars, Hilde. It's a place designed for people who can't deal with reality anymore.  
So you're saying that it's a lock up for lunatics, she replied, her head bowed. I'm not crazy. I just don't have a reason to live anymore.  
You'll be taken there later today. I have some people ready to take you back to the compound to pick up what you need. But I need you to sign this release form.  
She signed it, her hands trembling, and got up. Thank you doctor, she told him, full of contempt.  
  
So, what are you in for?  
Hilde sighed.   
  
_  
  
  
_

**...to be continued...  
**


	2. Default Chapter

1SW

  
one  
  
Hunched over her desk, meticulously sewing tiny beads onto a piece of hair-fine thread for an arts and crafts project, Samantha grit her teeth and strained her eyes in the bright light of her desk lamp. Hilde moaned and rolled over in her bed. With a sigh, Samantha set aside her half-finished bottle cover and stretched.   
Good morning, she said to Hilde. Did you sleep well?  
Mm. What are you doing in my room?   
She smiled. Hee hee! Your desk lamp is better than mine. Guess what? Delilah's back and she brought candy.  
Back? From where?  
You didn't hear? She broke out last night, Samantha leaned over the back of her chair. But all she did was swamp Dr. Roberts' candy jar!  
Hilde walked out of their room to the almost blinding shine of the hallway. Molly, Sweetwater Mental Institution's very own schizophrenic, was sitting on the back of the couch, eating her breakfast of a toaster waffle. When Hilde was close enough, she could see that she had it with peanut butter, and also that the Home Shopping Network was on TV.  
Good morning, Molly, greeted Hilde. Did I miss anything?  
They were selling the most beautiful diamondique earrings fifteen minutes ago!  
At the pool table, Delilah was munching out of a box of Kix. There's my sunshine!  
  
Yeah. They took the candy. But I still have a jar full if you want some.  
Hilde sat down on the edge of the pool table, wearing her favored black sheep pajamas and a dazed smile, her eyes clouded with anti-depressants. She shook her head idly and folded her hands in her lap.   
When no one looks the clouds come rolling in, sang out an unseen patient loudly. And under darkened skies the buildings grow big teeth and eyes!  
You go, Carly!  
She came trotting around the corner, high stepping. They breathe and walk through unending doors. Eating restaurants and barber shops and hardware stores! With catch phrases and jingles stealing, steel and concrete lies, the corridors of Babylon are craning for the skies. Carly stopped to make a sensual move of her hips and went on with the chorus, rousing the attention of the nurses on duty.   
Krista, who had been lounging on top of a row of chairs from the discussion table, sat up and frowned. Nurse Polly! Carlene is bothering me! If she doesn't stop, she elongated the O in _stop_. I'm gonna go stab her with a ball point pen!  
Polly stood up at her desk and went out, holding up her hands at Carly. Carlene, please don't. You know very well that your singing displeases Krista. If you want to sing, you can sing in the shower while Krista isn't in the bath house.  
  
  
Hilde'd zoned out, not even noticing the serenade, remembering the night before the McMillen accident over one year ago.   
  
_Are you sure you don't want any cake, Duo? she'd asked.  
He shook his head, curled up on the couch, fingering his hair. No thanks, babe.  
Okay. But it's in the microwave if you end up wanting a piece.  
  
_Delilah started laughing hard, and Hilde slowly retreated back to the present. She looked over her shoulder, following Delilah's line of vision. Iris, the obsessive compulsive, and Carlene, the selective anarchist, were both grappling a CD case next to the stereo. Iris had most control over what seemed to be a Johnny Mathis CD, while Carly waved a Queen _Jazz_ case.   
Carly growled. We listened to your stupid _Memory_ all day yesterday! I want to listen to something by Queen!  
Get your dirty hands off of my CD!  
No way! Not until you back off and let me put in what I want to listen to! You always get to choose!  
A nurse, this time it was Beverly, came between them and took both cases from them. She looked at the stack and took out the James Taylor CD that everyone loved. She shooed the girls off, with Iris heading in the direction of the bathroom to disinfect her hands and her CD. The stereo let out a rhythmic acoustic plucking. Hilde didn't notice it, but her knees had gone week and she was slipping to the floor by the leg of the pool table. Her mind was so detached that she couldn't feel anything as the lip of the table left a red scrape down her back. A year at Sweetwater had done nothing more than amplify her problems and turn them into something clinical.  
  
moaned Molly, shifting into another personality. What was the score between the Knicks and Bobby Labonte?  
Robin looked over at Molly flatly. She blinked. Not one word. Frankly, Ellie Haveland hadn't said a single thing in her entire stay at Sweetwater. Everyone had their patterns at Sweetwater. Krista was a generic psychopath, as was Delilah. Samantha was bi-polar and Molly was schizophrenic. Carlene found her own ways to cope with society, evidently causing her to lash out or drop back into a childish state. Iris was obsessive compulsive, and Robin was mute and a pathological schemer.   
Hilde was the second D.A.S. or depressed attempted suicide. She was also the only one who became depressed, and wasn't born with a chemical imbalance. Recession and emotional trauma due to a loss, as her shrink, Dr. Gilmore had said. The other D.A.S. was a self-punishing girl named Midii who fit into the masochistic side of psychopaths. But she was the only one that understood what Hilde was going through.  
Molly, the Knicks are in basketball. And Bobby Labonte used to be a NASCAR driver, laughed Samantha. Emphasis on _used_.  
Molly ignored her, which made Samantha a bit angry. Being overlooked was one of her pet peeves. Krista and Robin were playing cards, mostly because Krista could stand her silence. But Robin had a problem with playing dirty. She'd make an innocent face and pull two aces out of her sleeve.  
  
  
You okay?  
Yeah. Sure.  
Hilde rubbed her eyes and pulled her knees up to her chest on the couch next to Molly. Krista lit up a cigarette and puffed on it as Carlene threw her routine coughing fit.  
I'm gonna go lay down, Hilde stated, getting up slowly.   
  
_Is that steak that I'm smelling?  
Hilde smiled, carrying in a tray of steaks from the gas grill. Yes it is. I decided to give you a break. A nice celebration for your return from the Mariemaya coup.  
He clasped his hands together. Just what I needed after all that. You don't have any idea how stressing it is to deal with Heero for that long.  
I'm sure I understand how he feels, she muttered with a grin. He's got his own way of dealing with things, you know. Maybe silence is his way of retaliating against your ripe sarcasm.  
I'm not sarcastic.  
  
_It's time for dinner, Hilde, nurse Laurey peeked inside. Don't you want anything to eat?  
She rolled over. No. Just let me sleep.  
The door shut and she was left in the dimming artificial light. I miss him too much... she repeated for the millionth time in her year long stay at Sweetwater. I don't want to wake up in the morning. Ever.  
From the hallway outside she could hear someone walking. Mr. Shissle! Where's my little kitty?  
Molly slid by Hilde's room and called for her imaginary pet cat. It had been a recent act, the cat. Dr. Wright said that it was Molly's subconscious helping her deal with the sickness she had. And he also said that Hilde was repressing what really happened. That she wouldn't accept the past. It was true that she only remembered choice things and kept an arm's length away from reality, and it was also true that she wasn't reacting to their treatments.   
I was ready to die, she murmured, tears falling down her waxen cheeks from glazed eyes, but I could never, _never_ be ready for you to die, Duo_.  
  
  
  
  
_

**...to be continued...  
**


	3. Default Chapter

2SW

  
two  
  
Out in the garden, it was always peaceful. Not even the violent girls like Krista and Delilah dared to speak harshly in the midst of the flowers they'd so painstakingly planted and cared for themselves. Hilde sat with her legs outstretched in a patch of cornflowers and other minute flowers, with the scent of honey suckles draped over a trellis wafting through the air. A small wisteria tree billowed it's lavender blooms weepingly. Hilde looked up at the stars shining through the clear boundaries at the top of the garden.   
She looked to her right, where the buds of tulips and canna lilies peeked above dahlias and sweet william. California poppies and phlox, ageratum, snapdragons, African daisies, and so many bright, colorful foliage that betrayed the whirlwind of dismay and sadness in her soul. To her direct left there were a row of two or three withering flax that had bloomed so wonderfully the day before. Her fingers reached to glide over the petals.  
You'll come back, she said quietly. You'll be back soon.  
It was true, the flax would bloom again after only being in sight for a day. She herself had come to believe that Duo would do the same. That he would return and come to take her away from Sweetwater and away from the daily fights that broke out between Krista and Carlene.   
Letting herself lie down on her side, she fingered the spreading juniper that crept beneath her. she said, eyeing a bright pink arrangement, striking above tiny white and purple English daisies. In the language of flowers you mean _insincerity_. And you daisies are _innocence_.  
Now standing up, compelled to teach her flowers what they meant, Hilde gingerly stepped past the wisteria and fingered the stone wall covered with ivy. Ivy means..._fidelity_. And lilies of the valley, she pointed at a small one and kneeled down to trace over its stems, you are the _return of happiness_.  
she turned around, knowing they were there watching. You are _bashfulness and shame_.  
Hilde stopped looking around and let her eyes rest on the bright red and orange color show. _Thoughts of absent friends_.  
Thinking of Duo again, she felt hot tears fall down her cheeks to land softly upon the petals of an anemone. But she didn't stay where she was, yet stepped away, heading towards a bench hidden by a large weeping willow, balsam, and hydrangea. Sitting down on the bench, she rubbed the tears away on her sweater. Gladiolus, canna and calla lilies, agapanthus, day lilies, peachy montebretia, swirly ranunculus, gas plants, shiny tulips, daffodils, allim giganteum, and iris blooms were all around, taunting her as she sniffled and choked. Above her, between the cracks in the canopy of the willow, she could see the sweeping stars and the slight crest of the glowing earth. As she watched, a streak passed and she blinked, not sure if she'd really seen it.   
Taking a breath, Someone's on their way to Sweetwater.  
Hilde? Hilde, are you out here?  
Not saying anything, she got up to peel aside a layer of willow leaves. she whispered, Nurse Gwen.  
Behind the nurse, the youngest member of the Sweetwater troupe, the most recent addition, peeked into the garden. Hilde, I just wanted to let you know that it's almost eleven o'clock. Are you going to stay out here?  
Nodding, though she knew the nurse couldn't see her. Are you going to report me?  
she sighed. I'll let you stay out just for tonight. But you have to be in bed before three a.m., understand?  
Yes ma'am, she whispered even lower.  
Come on, Nina, the nurse ordered the young girl, who flinched greatly.   
Shaking her head, Nina held her arms close to her chest. I want, I want to stay out in the garden too.  
But there are bees out there, Nina, Gwen put her hand on her hip. We both know how much you dislike bees.  
Bumble bees, Nina chanted, bumble bees. Bumble bees are nice bees, Nurse Gwen. Th-they wont bother me i-if I don't bother them.  
All right. But the same goes for you. You have to be inside by three a.m.  
Okay. Okay. Thank you Nurse Gwen.  
The nurse left through the air lock doors and left Nina standing on the concrete pathway edged by candytuf. It's nice here. Nina tried to make conversation, like Dr. Roberts told her to. H-how do all these flowers bloom at the same time?  
The artificial weather systems, answered Hilde, unseen. Each zone in here is climate controlled.  
Nina muttered, twitchy and shaking all over as she navigated through another zone. It is warmer here than it was back there.  
Hilde returned to the bench, then looked up at the willow and started to climb. You're new.  
  
Can you tell my why?  
Nina stopped in her tracks, looking at a tall, four and a half foot baptisa, the false indigo. I'm afraid of everything.  
Hilde leaned against the trunk of the tree and breathed in the crisp, damp air. I'm in because they think it's not healthy to hold onto the past.  
What do you mean?  
A year ago my best friend, Hilde swallowed back tears, died and I don't believe that he's actually dead. I tried to kill myself at first, but then I realized that he couldn't have died.  
Pulling her dusty blonde hair behind her ears, Nina looked away and plucked the bloom of a golden yellow sundrop from its stem. Did you do all of this gardening?  
No, the other girls did some work with it. We all did a bit of everything. Hilde looked out over the large expanse of the garden. I planted most of the bulbs and the smaller flowers.  
My name's Nina, what's yours?  
  
She took a seat on the pathway midway to the willow. Are there any morning glories?  
Not yet, Hilde admitted. I plan on making a moon garden and some rock habitats with vine-growers some time. But we haven't been able to order the seeds yet. Carlene and Samantha convinced the nurses to put the money on yarn so they could make afghans and throw covers.  
Do you think some money should go to getting animals?  
What kinds?  
Nina blinked, her stomach churning. I like fish. Cats and dogs are scary for me, but Dr. Richards says that it might help me.  
Hilde nodded, reaching up to study a branch. There was a silence between them while Nina watched a stray bumble bee in shock. It buzzed away after a moment of prancing about a lavender. Are there butterflies?  
There will be soon.  
Are these carnations?  
Hilde peeked out to see Nina kneeled close to a bunch of baby blue eyes and pinks. No, those are pinks. Also known as dianthus.  
  
  
_Are you sure that these things are alive?  
Duo stood over a small bunch of assorted dahlias. Hilde carried her basket over to where he stood. Yes, they're alive, Duo.  
They look kinda, he looked up at her, dead. Look, Hilde! You killed   
I didn't, she said, holding up a carrot-looking tuber. This is what those grew from. They're adjusting to the climate here. They're only babies.  
Since when did you become such a master of foliage? He stood up and put his arm around her.  
She smiled, blushing slightly. I've been into flowers since I was a little girl. She looked down at her first and last attempt to grow flowers at the compound. My mother was the most talented gardener.  
Keep it up, he said, his soft blue eyes on the droopy yellow dahlias. I think this place could use it. And plus, you look so sexy when you _plant_ things!  
  
_Hilde giggled a bit at the memory, her eyes distant, dulling ever more from the anti-depressants. Someone else snuck into the garden and tiptoed around Nina, whose eyes were closed. She hoisted herself up onto the top of a rocky wall covered with ivy and ran along the top cautiously. When she was across from the willow, she crouched down and threw herself out onto a thick limb with a rattle.   
  
She smiled over at Hilde, who was balancing herself.   
she wrapped her legs around the limb and steadied, straddling the willow as if it were a mechanical bull. I didn't want you to be alone out here.  
  
I saw Nina, Midii said, leaning against the trunk. But I wanted to talk to you.  
Hilde stared at Midii flatly, her lips a sad line of woe. I miss him.  
I know you do. But do you know what? Midii smiled widely, reminding Hilde of Duo again. You're the only girl here who makes me want to stay alive. Before you came here I was rotten.  
Why me?  
Because we're the same.  
You always were the one who said things would get better, she mused, not really showing much emotion. I'm still waiting.  
Oh, Hilde, Midii held out her arms, slashed with scars and abrasions. Look at what I've done to myself. I used to be just like you. Then when you came, she paused. Look, I hate to say this, but you've taught me that there's a lot more to life than anti-depressants after you lose someone. Now I'm not a D.A.S. anymore.  
Hilde made a barely happy face. You aren't?  
Nope. The docs say that I'm almost ready to leave...  
She bit her lip.   
Yes. But I don't want to leave until you get to where I am.  
You can't do that. Hilde disagreed, toying with the hemline of her sweater. Because I'll be like this forever. Not until he comes back.  
Midii moaned, you can't keep doing this to yourself.  
Looking up through the canopy, Hilde remembered the bright, sweeping arc of light that she'd seen earlier and hoped that it was her one-and-only returning to save her. Duo, the God of Death back from the grave to take her away from Sweetwater, never to look back, never to return.  
  
  
  
  


**...to be continued...  
**


	4. Default Chapter

3SW

  
three  
  
It's seven, announced Nurse Gwen. Where's Hilde?  
I think she's in the bath house, said Samantha, who knew the real truth.   
Nurse Gwen sent Samantha a scrutinizing look, then headed off. Samantha watched, then took off running down the hall and through another corridor to the air lock that led out to the garden. She opened the doors, waited for the ok, and ran out. Nina was apparently back in her room, while Hilde lay on the ground at the foot of the willow. Samantha laughed at the sight, then heard Midii snoring above her. In the second highest branch, Midii lay like a sleeping cat.  
Wake up, Samantha shook Hilde's shoulders. Nurse Gwen is on the war path, get inside!  
  
Samantha scooped Hilde up and threw her over her shoulder. Hilde's tiny build and lack of proper care had made her even less of a weight. Midii sneezed and fell from the limb, hitting the ground with a _thump_. Hilde lazily bobbed her head and let Samantha carry her to the air lock. She got her in, with Midii trailing in a laugh stupor. Hilde skidded to her own feet in the hall, rubbing her eyes. Her characteristic stoned facial expression fell over her features and Samantha pushed her back to the ward where their rooms were situated. Just as she shut the door to B2, Nurse Gwen was headed that way.  
Did you find her?  
Gwen shook her head.  
Of course you didn't! Samantha beamed brighter than a spotlight. She's in her room.  
Of for-- The nurse opened the door to find Hilde standing at the foot of her bed, head thrown back, staring at the ceiling with her mouth open.   
she garbled.   
Hilde made a snorting sound and turned around ever so slowly. Gwen held up a clip board and scribbled something down. Come on, it's time to eat breakfast.  
I don't want anything, Hilde began crawling into bed, dragging her covers over her legs from where they lay in a twisted mess. I want to sleep.  
Gwen grabbed the tail end of the covers, causing Hilde's saddened face to peer back at her, pleading. No, it was your choice to stay in the garden, Gwen yanked on the covers. Now it's time to get in sync with the rest of the Sweetwater patients. Get up.  
But I don' want to.  
Samantha watched from the door, her thumbnail in her mouth.   
Hilde repeated, as Gwen took her arms. No, I just want to sleep.  
You need to eat, Gwen told her. You're too skinny and you're not healthy. Just come on.  
Why do we have to go to the cafeteria? Can't we eat in the rec. room?  
Today they have cooked food. You have to eat in there if you want to eat at all. Which you are!  
Successfully taking Hilde from her room, on her feet, Gwen led her to the cafeteria with Samantha and Midii falling step to the rhythm behind. Hilde pouted and resumed her monotonous look, melancholy and unhappy to be forced out of the comfortable niche of her bed. When they broke through the swinging doors of the cafeteria, all twenty three of the patients were sitting at their tables. Robin was sitting at a table with two over-possessive girls who would burst into an all out slap fest every other hour.   
Hilde walked through the line, taking a slice of jellied toast and orange juice. Samantha snagged the last tiny box of cereal and clutched it to her chest. Midii, on the other hand, got a bowl of grits, gravy, and two buttermilk biscuits. They all filed through the remaining line and found an empty table. Krista threw an orange at Delilah across the room.  
You bitch!  
That's what you get for taking the last banana!  
Delilah lifted up the banana, half eaten, and laughed. You want a banana, I'll give you a banana! She flipped Krista off above the heads of the other Sweetwater head cases.  
Krista climbed on top of her table and tossed her tray to the floor. You want some, you Saigon whore?  
Delilah, who wasn't Korean at all, stomped on the surface of her own table in her favorite combat boots and fatigue pants. Maybe I do, you dirty slut!  
Carlene giggled and took a snappy bite out of a granny smith apple. Heh heh. Fight.  
They climbed over table tops and around dodging heads until they met on a long, rectangular one. They snarled and hissed, spit and cursed until Delilah grabbed Krista's throat and Krista poked Delilah in the eye. There was a bit of thrashing and their own good-natured goosing until Nurse Beverly came and broke them up.   
They ended up sitting at opposite sides of the cafeteria, monitored by a lunch lady closely. Hilde nibbled on her breakfast, while Midii snarfed her grits and Samantha carefully opened her box and the wax paper bag to pour in her carton of milk.  
Those two are something else, Midii laughed, finishing her grits and washing it down with orange juice. Eat up, Hilde. I'm sure you'll want to be able to stand up without falling over when you see your guest today.  
Hilde gasped, dropping her toast. I have a guest? Where did you hear that?  
I heard the nurses talking about it in the lunch line after you walked out.  
Hilde put her hands on the edge of the table, tipped forward. Do you think it's Duo? Will it be him? Oh God I hope it is. It _has_ to be.  
She held her hands up. Don't get your hopes up.  
  
All rightey, Midii cracked her knuckles, walking out of the cafeteria. Time for a bath.  
Hilde nodded, her eyes shining a bit more than usual.   
Iris tagged along, not coming too close, rubbing her hands with a disinfectant pad. I agree.  
Most of the other girls came along as well.  
I'm gonna have a bubble bath, Molly cried out. Mr. Shissle needs a bath too. But I just can't find him.  
Samantha kept watching Molly as they neared the bath house. Her eyes narrowed and Molly grinned. Oh lord, it's Molletto, she's back.  
seethed Molly, walking with a sway now. Molletto was never gone.  
Third person, Midii chuckled. Sassy, and full of fire.  
Hilde made a strange face and took her basket of hygienic accessories. Her lime and lemon shampoo. The mango melon glycerin soap. Facial wash. All of the other little things girls needed for a shower, like loofas and sponges; lotion and dental care items. Midii's basket was extensive, second only to Iris, who was the cleanest of them all. Hilde was right behind Midii, while Molly and Samantha had a thing for children's shampoos scented like bubble gum or fruit, with bubble bath and their pink, glittery toothpaste and brightly colored tooth brushes.   
What is this, Molly looked at her basket. Molletto does not use..._fantastic fruity burst_ shampoo! Molletto uses sensual rose!  
Delilah laughed hard, a bit of oatmeal in her hair. Krista knocked her on the shoulder and smiled. Of course there were never any hard feelings between them after a brawl. I have some _crazy citrus combustion _shampoo!  
I like the _blueberry blitz_ and _sweet strawberry smoothie_.  
Hilde went into her own stall and set her basket on the rack, tugging off her sweater.   
Carly stormed in, singing. How sweet it is to be loved by you! I needed the shelter of someone's arms, there you were. I--  
screamed Krista, in her own stall, her head over the top due to her clawing at it. I'm in here!  
Carlene jumped, and toed the floor. But I wanna sing.  
I'll be real quick, she said in an angry, clipped tone. Then you can sing.  
  
I think I'm gonna be sick, Delilah held her stomach. Molletto's ranting about hygiene again.  
Hilde and Midii, as well as the others that had accompanied them, rushed out of the bath house in robes, carrying along their dirty clothes to be dropped in their bins.   
I have a visitor, Hilde told herself when she reached B2. A visitor.  
She went inside and locked the door, throwing her sweater and jeans into her laundry hamper. With a hasty run through her closet, she picked out a t-shirt with the Krispy Kreme logo on it and a pair of shorts. Standing in front of the mirror, she examined her face. A few worry lines here and there, deep shadows beneath her eyes. Had it really been so long since the last time she saw herself?  
God, Hilde, she said to herself. You look horrible.  
She took off the robe and put on a fresh pair of underwear and a bra, padding to her bed where she'd left her clothes. The shirt went on first, over her damp head, and then the shorts. Again in the mirror, she looked sickly and thin. Not healthy at all. Nurse Gwen was right. Hilde tucked the shirt in and buttoned the shorts, noticing how loose they were. There weren't any belts in Sweetwater, so she'd just have to sag a little.  
someone knocked at the door.   
Who is it?  
  
Hilde opened the door and backed away, retrieving a pair of socks and tennis shoes. How is this?  
Since when do you care, hm? Midii sat down at the desk.   
Since now, she turned to her side, checking her image in the mirror again. Since I have a visitor.  
Midii ran her hands through her wet hair, now wearing a button-up flannel shirt and baggy jeans. He's here already, you know. They're talking to him in administration.  
Hilde lost focus on herself. How do you know all of this?  
So I have good connections with Nurse Polly.  
  
  
  
  


**...to be continued...  
**


	5. Default Chapter

4SW

  
four  
  
Over the din of Sweetwater in full swing, Hilde heard the rumble of the building's opening doors. Her heart began to swell with hope as her visitor neared. Delilah and Krista were at odds with each other over what movie some old movie star won an Academy Award for. Midii, on the other hand, was playing charades with Robin, she was a natural at not speaking. Molly was off cavorting through the many halls.  
announced a nurse over the speakers, Please come to the nurse's station.  
She got up leisurely, and walked over. The clerk at hand, Polly, strapped a wristband around her left hand and told her that she had a visitor. After that, Hilde was led into the white wall with an orderly. She stepped in, and she was by herself. There was a couch and a single, comfortable looking arm chair and a stack of magazines on a coffee table. Hilde sat down at the couch and let her hands fall peacefully into her lap. The doors on the other side of the room opened with harsh light, and Hilde was momentarilly blinded. When the light was closed off, she blinked her eyes numerous times before regaining good sight.  
Standing by the doors, was not Duo. Standing at the doors was Heero Yuy. Hilde's heart broke. She lost all expression.  
Heero said, walking over to her, not facing the monitor cameras.   
She made a quiet whimpering sound, looking directly over his shoulder. Heero kneeled down by her legs. Duo's alive.  
Why isn't he here?  
Heero, stunned, cleared his throat. Duo's on earth. He's been there all along.  
Tears formed and fled down her cheeks.   
he whispered, her name lingering on his breath like the scent of flowers, I'm going to take you to him.  
Why isn't he here? she repeated.  
  
Hilde came walking back into the rec. room with the saddest look on her face. He left me. He left me.  
Midii's hands went to her heart. Robin looked back at Hilde and finally said something, slowly and sadly.   
That is what she's in for...now it's just risen another level.  
  
I don't think she should be alone, confided Delilah to Midii. She might do something to herself.  
Midii nodded, and in the darkness of the onset of night after the day's troubling events, she went to Hilde's room. Laying in a blanket-wrapped clump on the bed was Hilde, not stirring.   
He's on earth, Hilde said without warning, not moving. He left me.  
I'm sorry, Midii went to sit down on her bed and rubbed Hilde's back through the covers. I'm sorry, Hilde.  
She sniffled. He faked his death to get away from me.  
What? No, he wouldn't do that. It had to be a coincidence, Hilde.  
  
  
The next day, Hilde was less lively than ever. She didn't bother to get up at breakfast, and she didn't even talk to anyone while they chatted in the bathouse. The nurses tsked and pouted as she moped and planted herself on the couch. Robin stayed near most of the day, while Delilah and Krista engaged in an arm wrestling match. Light classical music played, the stereo now off bounds and parked in the nurse's station. Hilde curled up in the corner of the couch. Krista lost the match when Carlene flicked her ear, and ran off to be pursued in a chase. Delilah got up and went over to see Hilde. She stroked her hair a few times and sat down against the couch on the floor.  
Where's Midii?  
She went to talk to the doctors earlier. They're thinking about releasing her.  
Robin looked up. She gazed at Hilde sadly. She knew how much Midii meant to Hilde. They'd been each other's condolences their entire stay. Delilah and Hilde had become close friends due only to their similarities. But Midii and Hilde, they were practically bonded for life now. The year they'd spent together was spent learning from each other. Midii was now well enough to go back to the outside world. Everyone else was too scared to get better and rejoin society. They'd lost the ability to get along with normal people, people who kept their problems on the inside.   
Nina finally made another public appearance. She slunk out from her room, hidden on the other side of the corridor. Wearing a pair of shorts and a shirt, an antique looking quilt pulled around her shoulders, she tried her best to inconspicuously find a place to watch TV. Hilde didn't say anything.  
Delilah greeted. Come sit over here.  
She looked grateful, shaken up as Krista hauled Carly laughing her guts out down the tiled hall and to the nurse's station. Iris stepped around Carlene and hid herself in her room.  
Has anyone seen Molly?  
Molly's sleeping Moletto off, I think, Samantha answered. Totally out.  
So is Hilde, Carlene piped from the floor.   
Krista kicked her in the side firmly, but not hard enough to do any damage. Nurse Beverly walked out of the station after closing a vidline. She looked worried, and shooed the girls off when she kneeled in front of Hilde.  
she said softly, get up, I need to take you to Dr. Wright's office. Come along now.  
Hilde got up so unhurried that Nurse Beverly had Delilah help her stand. She also told Samantha and Robin to go pack Hilde's things out of her earshot. They made their way out of the block and down to the offices. Midii exited Dr. Wright's office just as they arrived, she looked surprised.  
she said, what's going on, Beverly?  
Don't worry about it, just go and do what the doctors said, Midii.  
Dr. Wright smiled at Hilde as Delilah let her walk in on her own. She and the nurse went back to their block. Hilde stared at the doctor, her stoned features not altered by his stature. She simply didn't care any more. He laced his fingers together on top of his desk.  
Hilde, I've spoken to a man named Wilson Halloway recently. He wishes me to allow you to go with his assistant to earth for a treatment. His papers are clear, and I surely feel that this treatment might do you good.  
  
He nodded. The young man you were visited by yesterday, he is Dr. Halloway's assistant. I understand that you two spoke?  
She nodded. He told me about earth.  
We feel that it would be in your best interests to go. And since you are in our custody, you will be leaving shortly. Is this understandable?  
Hilde nodded. Minutes passed with mindless dribble from the humorous doctor as he tried to fill in dead air. Heero was still on campus, but they didn't know that. He had been actually hacking into records and preparing the fate for Hilde on earth through his computer mastery. In a matter of minutes, he'd successfully routed Hilde's safe trip to earth.  
  
Are you ready?  
Hilde stood at the docking bay with her bags by her feet. Heero went to pick them up and led her into the shuttle. I told you I would get you out.  
She tried to smile, but only made herself look all the more pitiful. After her bags had been loaded, she and Heero found their seats. The girls in the block had all thrown a fit, showering her with nick nacks. And Midii gave her one single thing. With a hug, she handed her a golden yellow oenothera flower from the garden. One from the flower beds that they'd planted the year before. Hilde cried most of the time, and Midii told her that she too would be leaving on the next flight out to L3. Their departation was sad, and all the girls seemed to be just a little less extroverted and a little bit smaller than usual.  
Heero finally buckled himself in and noticed the flower Hilde had in her clutches. Memories flooded into his foreward mind as she held it. A yellowish, almost orange perennial that he'd seen before. It was the same flower the girl with her dog, Mary, had given him. A sundrop. An evening primrose. An oenothera. He looked away when she glanced over at him.  
  
_ Duo'd called her from the other side of the compound, I'm absolutely famished. What are you up to?  
I was just about to bring you a glass of water, actually. I finished that load of paperwork.  
  
She traversed the compound and found him in a warehouse, stradling part of an old mobile suit. He smiled greatly at her and climbed down. Hilde handed him his water and picked up a wrench. She began squarely dismantleing the hatch of the Leo without any help. Not only could she cook and clean, garden and sew, but she could fix anything and do anything she wanted with a computer at her fingertips. Duo finished off the glass and went to stop her.   
Come on, you're making me look bad.  
He made her sit down with him on the fallen chest of the suit. She sighed. I just want to feel like I'm needed.  
You are, he said distantly, more than you know.  
  
Bill sure seems to need you a lot, you could go do some work for him, he told her cheerfully, betraying his inward feelings.  
She chuckled. Bill wants a lot more than work, it seems...  
  
_  
Startled, yet numbed by her most recent bout of anti-depressants, Hilde noticed Heero talking to her. They were stopped at L4 before heading on to earth. Heero had his arms crossed, looking past Hilde and out through the window.  
  
Will you be all right?  
She looked down at the flower in her lap. I don't know. I've missed him so much.  
If anything's wrong, Heero watched the new passengers board, only a few, tell me and I'll make sure he regrets it.  
You're doing all this for me, she said softly, and I want to thank you.  
I couldn't let Duo do something like this and leave you in Sweetwater. You don't belong in there. Duo's done enough to himself already. He doesn't need to do anything to you now that he's...  
She closed her eyes, tears rimming and about to gush over. Please, I know that he had a reason. I'm just happy that he's still alive. I don't want to hurt him, if he's moved on without me.  
You're going to see him, Hilde. He knew exactly what she was getting at.  
Heero, I can't.  
He sighed. You used to be strong. Duo told me. I know how much he cares for you.  
They were quiet as the engines roared behind them. Hilde leaned her head against the wall beside her and willed sleep to overtake her. Heero kept his eyes on her throughout the trip, wary of her delicate condition. He strangely felt inclined to protect her, knowing that she'd become a fallen, misplaced soldier with nowhere else to go except a mental institution with people who weren't anywhere like her. She was like a child's toy, tucked into the corner, gripping the flower so hard that the remaining life in it seemed to wither away in her white, spindly fingers. She'd been small before, but now she was so tiny that she was almost lost in the crevases in the seat.  
  
  
  
  


**...to be continued...**


	6. Default Chapter

5SW

  
five  
  
Hilde walked in a bemused state through the space port. Heero guided her solely by the sight of the back of his moppy brown head carrying both his and her duffle bags. A carry on bag was strapped around her shoulder, but the sting of its weight was lost in the depth of her absent thoughts. Somewhere up in space, Midii was settling in on a colony, back in real time with the spinning world and living, breathing life. Heero paused to wait for Hilde to catch up, and when she almost walked clear past him, he locked his free arm around hers to lead her past the brunt of a large crowd uttering obscenities and muttering all out curses at the flight attendants explaining that their flight had been canceled.   
Heero said, as they approached the bright glass revolving doors that would take them to Duo eventually, you sure you're okay?  
His voice was steely and harsh, but a twinge of sympathy and true kindness was hiding somewhere, and Hilde's pale, torture numbed eyes met his, startling him. She'd gotten worse since he'd taken her away from Sweetwater. Her lips were parted, almost forming words, but betraying the truth behind them. She couldn't speak, she hadn't, not since their five hour trip had begun.   
_Retreating, are you? _He wondered as they pushed into the revolving doors as a woman wearing a black business suit entered parallel to them. _You can't give up. You're not so weak and you know it. Damn Duo for reducing you to this.  
_I wont let him get away with this, Hilde, he whispered.  
Where you headed?  
A taxi driver leaned against his yellow cab and flicked his cap up to see Heero, holding Hilde's hand like a small child to prevent her from wandering into traffic.   
You might want to take a bus for that, sir. That's gonna be quite a charge for me to drive you there. There's a bus on the way that should be headed there. It'll probably be here in an hour or so.  
Heero nodded at the man and walked over to a nearby bench, where Hilde reluctantly sat down. If the cars and the squawking women around them hadn't been so loud, Heero could have sworn that Hilde's bones would squeak like a hallway of rusty doors. She eased her bony body into the seat and took a deep breath. He sat down a good distance away and looked up into the sky past the overhang. Ominous gray clouds clotted the sky and melted into a swirl of black and charcoal that made the pedestrians and waiting travelers cringe and spit like pit vipers. What a day for it to rain.  
A young lady that looked to be a year or two younger than him sat herself down on the other end and sprawled her feet out into the sidewalk. A banged up, green Eastpak book bag lay by one of them. Her hair was a ruddy sort of brown like barren red mud, cut into a lazy bob directly at her shoulders. Her sheepish face peered over at Heero before boldly speaking out. Likely to be a good drench today, don't you think?  
Almost disregarding her completely, Heero's head bounced up a bit to reply in a feeble agreement. Hilde weakly pinched his thigh and finally spoke. I love the rain.  
Heero gawked at her, his eyes wide. The girl next to him leaned forward to meet Hilde. Is this your first time to earth?  
Hilde watched as a mother told her young child about some place called Greenville in another state. The words faded out of earshot. But she didn't really know for sure. She'd been around L2 for as long as she dared to remember. Any time before the age of eight was forgotten.  
That girl had been listening to the mother too. She laughed strongly and made an exaggerated attempt at lightening the situation. Hilde's tense, shrouded demeanor was picked up on quickly. I live there. It's not as great as she says. She probably hasn't been there since before OZ took over.  
We're on the way to Durham, Hilde told her. Have you been there?  
Also picking up on the false tune Hilde was playing, she slowly lost her own quack persona and let a bit of hidden intelligence shine through her serious countenance. Nah. I'm new to North Carolina, actually. But I can tell that there's something there that you don't want to see.  
_She's very observant._ Heero kept his eye on her. Beginning to pick at a diamond cross on a silver chain, the girl grinned a bit and stood up when sluggish droplets of water began dotting the asphalt. She picked up her book bag and slung it over her shoulder. I hope you find that what you're looking for isn't as bad as you think.  
They took their eyes off of her when a woman with short chocolate colored hair began yelling at her husband that was laughing hard from his gut. She thumped his arm and screamed that she hated him, and when Heero tried to find the girl to his left, she was completely gone. Next to him on the bench _CLBC 01_ was carved in rough scrawl, new and lined with shavings. A discarded, mangled bobby pin lay in place at the bottom of the _1_. He blinked once to make sure he had actually seen it.  
  
Are you asleep?  
Hilde nudged Heero a bit in his seat, arms crossed, eyes closed. He didn't make a move. The bus was fairly empty except for the same woman and husband from before sitting further back. They were a bit loud at times, but the angry cries and occasional rude, crude remark was all in jest and love. Hilde's stoned eyes strayed to the tinted window covering over the window. Beyond it was the fading light of a glowing sun on the horizon. She let a few tears roll down her cheeks before rubbing them away.  
_I can't do this, I can't see him. It's too hard, and he doesn't even need to be bothered by me or by Heero. He deserves a better life. The life I couldn't give him.  
_A few other passengers of the bus were nodding off, curling into their seats and nestling in for a night's sleep. Hilde hadn't slept since the flight, and she couldn't seem to find it. Sleep was what kept her from breaking at Sweetwater, but it seemed that it would become the reverse on earth. Perhaps if she let it fall over her eyes, she would wake up to the pain of Duo turning his back on her again. And this time she probably wouldn't make it to Sweetwater for the sleep that had allowed her to remember him as her protector and one real love.  
I let it go, Dr. Wright, Dr. Roberts. I'm leaving it behind, nurse Beverly. Now let me go home, her voice trailed off into muffled weeping.  
Sliding open his eyes, waking from blank slumber, Heero grit his teeth. It was an earnest effort to prevent him from reaching out. He'd gotten too close to her, and it would be fatal if he couldn't let her go. If anything happened, that is. He knew one thing for certain, and it was that Duo wouldn't find himself safe until he made penance for his horrible misjudgment and error. Even if he had to rip his own beating heart from his chest, he would make sure that Hilde's descent would be avenged.  
  
The day went on as routinely as usual. Krista and Delilah went about a strangely watery brawl. Carly didn't burst into tune randomly, and Robin hid herself in the garden, perched in the willow tree. Iris was the only one that wasn't really affected in the circle of girls that had come to know Hilde in the year she'd been there. Nina and Samantha became quick friends, and Molly seated herself in a tub filled with water, in her old OZ uniform. Which had been the reason for her schizophrenia. In fact, everyone except Nina, Robin, and about half of the other residents weren't in Sweetwater for reasons of war. Delilah and Krista had been rising pilots, Iris was a medical assistant. Her frightening obsession with cleanliness had risen from her first hand view of a bloodbath. Molly had been the only survivor of a massacre in during Operation Nova.   
The Sweetwater gang mourned for Hilde and moped more than usual with their faces downcast and their hearts on the floor.  
  
All along the trip to Durham, Hilde kept her eyes open and her mind closed. If she let herself remember, if she allowed even one single memory to come to mind, she would snap right in the seat next to Heero. All the happy thoughts of a caring Duo teaching her how to watch baseball like a pro weren't brought up. The days spent working the small flower patch, or in the house doing something domestic, forgotten. Her crusade during the wars, the work they did on scraps; hours and hours of lighthearted talk and friendly chats over dinner on the stove, left behind, in space.  
  
  
  


**...to be continued...**


	7. Default Chapter

6SW

  
six  
  
I miss her already, Midii banged her hand on the counter of her new apartment, still cluttered with boxed keepsakes. Dammit, Hilde.  
Midii leaned over the sink and watched her face ripple in the still water in the bowl she'd eaten her cereal lunch from. The other two house mates wandered in, a young lady by the name of Reese and a german shepherd who responded faithfully to the call of Teddy. Walking in the front door with Teddy unleashed, Reese let her long black hair down from its low pony tail and kicked off her shoes by the door.   
Anyone home?  
Reese didn't know about Midii's stay at Sweetwater, nor did she really care. Midii wasn't a wild party hopping interloper like her last boarding partner. Nor was she demeaning, cynical, chipper, or annoyingly dim.   
How was your first day?  
I already got picked for a technical fix tomorrow with that circus.  
She dragged a sip of the juice and patted Teddy's head. I hear they have a real cute lion tamer or something...  
Midii stretched and tried to stop worrying about Hilde. Not that he's any more handsome than Rowen.  
Almost spinning into a dizzy faint, Reese's shoulders slouched in pure glee. I hope he asks me out soon. Or else I'm gonna beat him senseless him with my bow and arrow.  
Oh, how are those lessons going anyway?  
Sneering, Reese rested against the cold refrigerator door. I've got him thinking that I'm totally horrible. But I do it on purpose, so he has to stand real close and _show_ me how to aim straight.  
That's sneaky.  
It is, but I really like his cologne...  
  
Mrs. Henderson, where in the heck is the canola oil?  
The elderly lady, who was in stellar physical shape, came trotting into the kitchen wearing a cotton short and top set. She climbed up a step ladder and handed down a tall bottle of yellow oil to her renting young n'.   
The girl huffed. You're in better shape than I am!  
Mrs. Irene Henderson made an all empowering muscle pose. You should start working out with me. I'll even help you set up a fitness program. I always used to do that with my classes in Georgia, Caitlin.  
Caitlin poured the oil into the heating electric frying pan on the counter and mouthed the words her landlord spoke. Duo stomped upstairs from his basement room and showed Irene the book he'd just finished reading.  
It was a real bunch of hot air, he said, handing it to her, have you read it all?  
Nope, but I'm glad that you did! You can tell me later what happened in the end, okay? Before she left the kitchen, she told Caitlin, You should watch out with that fried food, it'll be the death of you in a bathing suit, suga-bug.  
Caitlin adjusted the curled up cuff of her shorts and acknowledged Duo with a salute. Did you fix the car?  
He studied her from the back, still not able to fully swallow the fact that she was almost a complete carbon copy of Relena Darlian. Her long honey wheat blonde hair curly at the ends, with deep aquamarine eyes and justified lips that only spoke precisely chosen words. But she was really a complete mold broken creation of God on acid. Serene waters on the top, a burning inferno inside. She was even more stopped up than Hilde...  
Hilde, the word cracked through his skull as though he'd been smacked with a twelve pound tuna, extreme contact. It brought pain to his head and his heart, and he shoved away the regrets and sorrow that had eternally rooted themselves in the darkest nest of his entire body. His heart.  
Oh, it needs new brake pads. He flinched at the familiar smell of oil heating up. It brought back memories that he had to keep away or else be swamped by them. You speed too much.  
Caitlin braced herself to put the chilly chicken breasts into the frying pan, and jumped back when the oil rejected it with hissing and sputters of hot oil flicking out in tiny explosions. She stumbled away and laughed when she was nailed right on the cheek by a fore spoken bit of oil. Duo soughed an unheard comment and walked out onto the porch overlooking the calm streets of Durham.  
Irene's tom cat, Gambit, sat elegantly on a rocking chair and preened himself idly. Duo braced his hip on the railing and watched wrens flutter to gather seed and mulch for their mates, ready to give birth to new offspring that would likewise do the same in their own time. The rows of tall flowers in the yard, trimmed azalea and Iris lined bunches of smaller flowers and protected them from oncoming breezes.   
Duo saw a jumpy butterfly land on a cornflower and achingly recalled the image of Hilde in the middle of her gardening project, pointing out her favorite flowers. The sundrop and the cornflower. he muttered, before turning away to run from his past, which never failed to haunt him.  
  
Hilde didn't want to get up when Heero told her to. They were at the Durham bus stop, and Hilde's entire body froze. She shook all over, and Heero only saw how terrified she was when he took her arm in his hand. Her eyes, as dismal as the hanging rain clouds outside, spewing rain nonstop, bored into his and strummed the same heartstring that jerked on his humanity whenever he saw someone in need of protection.  
You have to, Hilde, he pleaded her in his own way, and soon enough, she got up.  
More and more like an old woman, she decrepitly walked ahead of him with her bag. They stepped off the bus and into the rain on the most grievous day ever seen. April showers, April showers that brought so much lamentation that would bring flowers in May. May wasn't close enough yet to make anyone care, however.   
  
You're sure you don't want to eat, Duo?  
Caitlin set out her plate to eat a lonely dinner. Irene, unbeknownst to Caitlin or Duo, had passed out in the laundry room, humorously. She'd been whacked with a wayward bottle of Tide, while Duo went downstairs to get his dirty clothes. He found her there, groaning and yelled for Caitlin to call 911 in a calm tone. Caitlin had just taken a big bite out of her chicken, and wailed. But she called anyway and saw Irene on Duo's shoulder, dripping blood, and coughed up her mouthful into the trash can below the phone. She screeched and spat out choppy sentences, telling the operator to get an ambulance there pronto.   
It arrived quickly and carted Mrs. Henderson off with Duo, while Caitlin stayed behind to clean up the laundry room and pack up the food for later use. As soon as she'd finished, though, she trucked it to the hospital in Irene's Dodge Stratus, wary not to wear down her brake pads like she'd done on her Honda Civic. Ew, what is this music she listens to? A man twanged on the radio some sort of boozy love tune about boot scootin' and honky tonks. But, in honor of Irene, she didn't mess with the controls and instead contented herself with dead air the entire trip to Durham Medical Hospital.  
  
Nurse Laurie?  
The nurse walked over to Delilah and hummed.   
Will Hilde come back?  
I don't know, Delilah. I don't know. But let's all hope that she'll get better with that treatment Dr. Halloway will be giving her.  
Krista flipped the channel to a hockey game and thumped Carlene on the back of the head and told her not to slouch. Carlene didn't even react to physical abuse, she was really down.   
  
If I take you to a restaurant, will you eat?  
Heero and Hilde stood beneath a store front, away from the rain, still toting their bags. Hilde shrugged. It depends on whether or not it looks like it'll stay down.  
He made a throaty grumble and started walking, causing her to follow faithfully. Let's get a hotel first. Get settled and cleaned up and then go get something to eat.  
No further comments. Hilde followed Heero in her slowed, weakling pace with no complaints and no more attempts to get out of her destined meeting with Duo. She simply prayed that God would grant her a divine intervention without her having to do much on her own. Her body was too tired and too void of energy to do anything for herself, other than walk and give proof of distant life. Heero grew even more attached when she carried on bravely, no matter how much each step tore more of her to bits.  
  
A Marriot Inn was just the place to stay, and when they got checked in, Hilde found herself more so weak in the knees than she'd been a few minutes ago. Thankfully, she made it up the stairs with Heero's help before hitting the bed, leaving the bag by the door. Heero shook his head at her, shallowly breathing, worn out and scared.   
You need to eat, he said.  
I can't. I can't do this. Hilde tossed her arms over her eyes, laying on her back on the second bed in the room. I need to just go back to outer space. Duo doesn't need me.  
Heero stalked over to her and took her arms in his hands to pull her over his shoulder, like so many others had been forced to do when she was in such a mood. Hilde whimpered and let him carry her to the mirror next to the bathroom. He stood her up in front of him and made her look.  
He held her shoulders, keeping her balanced. What do you see?  
A corpse.  
What were you before Duo left?  
I was happy, she sucked up her tears, but he wasn't.  
Yes he was, Hilde. You haven't seen him now, but that's why I brought you here. To show you both how stupid you're being.  
Droplets of saline tears rolled down her face, cascading to fall onto the counter. Was it stupid of me to believe he would come back? I was better off thinking that he was dead!  
_At least she's reacting and not clamming up_, Heero thought, _now make her eat_.  
She sunk to her knees on the carpeted floor by Heero and heaved tears right before his eyes. He kneeled down next to her and rubbed the stubborn tears away, not veering from her vision one moment.  
Why don't you get a shower and gather your wits. I'm going out to get something to eat.  
_He trusts me_. Hilde sniffled and concealed her hurt, masking it behind her silence. _He's going to leave me here_.  
The door pounded shut and Heero hurried down the steps to get their dinner. Hilde daintily got to her feet and clenched her hands into fists, angry that she'd burst out so rudely. She pulled off her t-shirt and went into the bathroom to soak in the heat of a much needed bath. The water heated almost instantly, turning her hand red beneath it. Hilde turned the cold side on just a bit and let the tub fill, unbuttoning her jeans in the meantime.   
He can't make me see him, she murmured, holding onto the towel rack for support from her queasy stomach and quivering legs. He can't.  
Marriot Inn's stock soaps were strong and generic in her nose when she unwrapped them from their paper bonds, steam rising. Hilde removed her undergarments and stepped into the hot water, barely reaching above her ankles.  
Her voice was low and hoarse when the words came, Why is this happening?  
  
  
  


**...to be continued...**


	8. Default Chapter

7SW

  
seven  
  
Mrs. Henderson lay in a hospital bed, sleeping soundly. Caitlin had long since conked out on the couch, her nose covered with her shirt to ward off the foreboding stench of hospital sterility. Duo paced at the foot of her bed, trying to ward off sleep in his legs. He held a cup of coffee, warming his fingers, but didn't drink much of it.  
She's fine, said a nurse, just a few stitches. You really shouldn't worry. Mrs. Henderson is in perfect working order.  
She left Duo, who hadn't even listened to her efforts to soothe his nerves. It didn't help, because Irene wasn't the problem that made his gut do the Charleston in his chest. He caught a glimpse of Caitlin's closed, sleeping eyes. Her striking resemblance to Relena Darlian made him grimace and think instantaneously of Heero Yuy. Caitlin didn't belong to him, though. She belonged to herself and some hot shot race car driver named Todd.   
Her random sounds of slumber kept his attention, and the early morning in the window behind her was shedding nasty, rainy glares like a grumpy old man. Duo rubbed the back of his neck and continued pacing, trying to walk the reminiscence of Hilde and his time with her out of the present. But she wouldn't leave him be, she walked with him, and she was in the mirror every morning when he looked at himself. Hilde was by his side when he laughed and when he lay on his bed, sleepless. She was his best friend, and he didn't even know what had become of her since he'd left.  
  
What's his name?  
Midii stood completely spellbound next to the circus's knife thrower, who'd just given her a mug of steaming tea. That's Trowa, the lion tamer.  
L-lion tamer, Midii repeated. _This is the cute guy Reese was talking about._ _Yeah, and it's also No Name! God, is this a test?  
_The ringleader scared them both and told Midii to get to work on the announcing system that had been garbling speech since their last act. Midii gulped hard and tried to fit a decent façade over herself to keep this so called Trowa from recognizing her. True, her hair had been tamed slightly, and her eyes dimmed from bright blue to slight slate, but she was still the same Midii Une that had betrayed him. The same Midii Une that had told him that she hated him, and also that she loved him.  
He didn't see her until she crouched down to the circuitry box to start searching for the problem. He did the same and told her what he'd already done, which had apparently, no affect whatsoever. Catherine and the ringleader went off to tend to the other circus duties and left them together.  
I've seen you before, he said suddenly. What's your name?  
_He's a lot more open than he was so many years ago. _Midii Une.  
Trowa's head turned quickly to find hers. She pursed her lips and busied her fingers with wiring and perfected mastery of all things technical. Midii. It's been a long time.  
Yes it has.  
  
It was the third day of her crusade, and Hilde wasn't faring any better. Heero had force fed her every now and then, but she mostly survived on liquids. They were walking down the street, Heero all too well knowing where to find Duo. As Hilde sipped at her coke, from a styrofoam to go cup from a restaurant she hadn't eaten at.   
The night before, while she'd fallen into a sort of fugue, Heero left to find Duo, but instead found out that he was in the hospital with the landlady. Now, he took it upon himself to guide them back together even if it meant more heartbreak on their part. Hilde didn't seem to understand what was going on, even though Heero had explained it to her thoroughly. Ever since she'd spoken out, she'd become even more vegetative. Heero felt sorry for the nurses at Sweetwater. Hilde was more of a trouble than a small child that could cause personal danger to herself, for the matter.  
  
_  
Heero walked in with dinner, and Hilde sat on the side of the tub, draining water, in a towel. She was staring at her wrist, and Heero soon found her with blood streaking across the bony structure of her arm.   
Come here, he pulled her up and sat her on the counter outside the bathroom and covered the thin wound with a wad of Kleenex and made sure that she noticed his anger. What do you think you're trying to do?  
She didn't speak.  
_Damn, she's locked herself down again_, he swore. He stayed with her for the rest of the night, until twelve, when he set out to get a relevant location of Duo. Hilde didn't bother to eat much other than one or two french fries, and also didn't bother to look Heero in the face or say another word.  
  
_Hilde's face paled to a deathly shade of bone white and her eyes widened to display her terror. Heero pulled her along by the wrist she'd so awfully cut the night before and didn't care when she started to cry again. She mouthed over and over, _no_, but he walked on in his confident, impending pace. They awkwardly entered an elevator and Heero pointed at her, his eyebrows furrowed.  
he growled, are going to do this. I wont let you lose your life because he was misled, Hilde. You are going to do this, so help me.  
I can't.  
The doors binged open and three middle aged women boarded. Heero took Hilde's hand in his and squeezed it, glaring at her. She looked down at the floor. Again, the doors binged and they were on their floor. Heero drudged onward, taking her along for the ride, and found Room 340 without a pinch. It was clear open, and Duo was standing below the television set mounted on the wall. Hilde saw him and froze, right in the middle of the floor. Heero didn't have time to prevent her from backing away. He was already in Mrs. Henderson's room by the time she'd turned away.  
Duo gasped and Heero pinned him to the wall. Caitlin woke up and hollered, and made Heero release Duo when he saw her face.   
What's going on? she asked.  
  
_That's...no, it can't be Relena. That's not her. _Duo, I need to show you something.  
Out in the hall, Hilde peered to her left and right, unable to find Heero. Feeling completely defenseless, and yet so very free, her calves tightened and powered her right back to the elevator. Her heart pounded, and she found herself saying Heero's name when he came trotting around the bend with Duo in tow. She coughed hard and pushed herself hard against the back wall, the doors shutting just before Heero could stop them, his face registering a strange twinge of desperation.  
When she'd hit literal rock bottom, Hilde shot out of the hospital and ran for hours and hours. She ran through downtown and into the residential area where Duo lived, stumbling through the downpour that plagued the city once more and tripping her way out of a sand littered playground. Her entire self gave way when the sun was retreating.   
Her feet planted at the trunk of a towering oak tree, landing in the muck and pulling her down into it. Hilde let herself fall, exhausted, and closed her eyes in the mud, sinking into the earth, willing it all away.  
I let it go, just like you said, doctors, Hilde wept, now please let me come home.  
  
Heero plodded down the street with Duo, angered. Explain. Now.  
About what, Heero? I don't even know what's going on.  
Hilde. Tell me what in the hell you were thinking.  
His mouth gaped. Hilde. I miss her so much, man. But I can't go rushing back to her. She'll probably hate me for it.  
You're lucky that she already doesn't hate you, Heero scanned the landscape for signs of a run away Sweetwater patient. Do you know where I found her?  
Duo didn't speak, taking much to the liking of how Hilde had been behaving.  
She was in a mental institution.  
  
Heero nodded. She apparently thought that you'd died.  
  
She told me a little about some McMillen shop that exploded. Hilde seems to think that you planned it so you could run from her.  
Run? No, no. Bill, the owner. Duo cringed at the image of that man in his head. He told me that, that he and Hilde were...  
They went on for a while, past Mrs. Henderson's house. And you believed him? How could you?  
I loved her too much to stand in her way, Heero. I didn't want to hurt her!  
You already have! Don't you know that she loves you more than life itself? She'd rather kill herself than have you get a hangnail, you damn idiot!  
  
  
  


**...to be continued...**


	9. Default Chapter

8SW

  
eight  
  
Why did you do this?  
Heero and Duo had combed most of Durham with no avail.   
To get you on the right track. You two need each other. Or are you too blind to see that?  
  
It was raining densely, and Hilde couldn't find a single fiber in her body that would power her face out of the soggy, slippery dirt. It soaked into her clothing and pasted her face, her breath wheezing. She scorned herself and wished God in heaven to strike her down and put her out of her misery. To save Heero from the trouble of cleaning up her mess and Duo of the shame.  
Over the horizon that seemed to be forever, Heero walked quickly, Duo still tagging along, and finally spotted her.   
He motioned for Duo to speed up and rushed to Hilde's side, where she lay completely lifeless, other than her hoarse breath. Hilde, it's Heero.  
she wept, her tears mixing with the tears from the sky,   
Where is home? Duo whispered, trying to stop himself from clasping her in his arms and never letting her go, crying and bawling and apologizing and screaming terrible profanities at Bill, who'd deluded him into the belief of Hilde's love for another man. Hilde, oh God. Forgive me. No one heard him over the hiss of the rain and the rough tearing of the oak tree's leaves against each other.  
Home is Sweetwater, Heero answered, and picked Hilde up. Home is where you put her.  
Duo let his own tears go and he ran ahead of Heero to take Hilde away. He knew she couldn't fight him, and he held her so ferociously that Heero told him to take it easy on her. I love you, I love you, Hilde. I'm sorry, I'm so goddam sorry that I left you. I never meant to hurt you, baby. I only thought...I only thought...  
She didn't hear. Hilde was beyond hearing anything now. Her eyes, no longer hosting light or even the blank look of anti depressants, looked on to the inevitable horizon that would suck the sun down into its dark depths. After losing it, reaching equilibrium at Sweetwater, and meeting Heero, things had turned her insides into a tangle of working parts. Just when she'd found her niche, the misadventures of earth had thrown her out of order, into silence and anorexia, insomnia and the knowledge of false memories she'd held so dear. The only thing that kept her alive was actually what had brought her so close to dying.   
  
You're on your way home, Hilde.  
  
Hilde lay draped in her seat, aided by an attendant with orders to watch her closely. Heero had to deal with Duo on earth, but sent word to Sweetwater of Hilde's return. Caitlin and Mrs. Henderson went home, while Heero took Duo to his hotel room and forced him to explain every single detail of the events that took place the year before.  
  
  
  


**...to be continued...**


	10. Default Chapter

9SW

  
nine  
  
Delilah held Hilde up once more as she led her to her room, still untouched after her short departure. We've missed you.  
Welcome home.  
Hilde didn't speak. She slept and slept without stop and only drank when she was awake, three to five short minutes a day. The nurses didn't take action until she'd lost the ability to even get out of bed.   
Later, she was hooked up to an iv drip and kept monitored severely. The halls were never the same, though never really impacted greatly by the slight person who'd graced them with a shattered heart and the smallest hope of her knight in shining armor to return.  
Krista was usually the one who stayed up in the night to spend time with Hilde. She told her about her reasons for being at Sweetwater and read Hilde her diary on a few occasions. Everyone did their part to help Hilde, even Nina, who had become rather matronly in her short trip away from Sweetwater. Fresh cut flowers from the garden were always in sight, with knitted covers shoddy and snarled by Samantha and Molly thrown by her feet, and the return of homely, sister like talks that made the days more endurable.  
  
I'm so glad you're still alive, Midii said across the kitchen table, Teddy at her hands. You survived.  
So did you.  
Trowa sipped at Midii's gourmet coffee, which she'd run through the coffee maker only minutes before, and could barely grasp the thought that the scrawny, outspoken little girl spy he'd known from the early years of revolution, had grown into such a well balanced woman. It was their first real get together since their chance meeting at the circus. They hadn't spoken at all until then.  
Even so, she had decided not to tell him about Sweetwater. Reese, who was out on a date with her arching instructor, Rowen, had left Midii with news of the latest bow and arrow mishap, and told her also not to wait up. Trowa had plenty to tell Midii, and Midii found that just sitting with him, drinking her coffee, was wonderfully enough to pass the hush between talk.  
  
Heero and Duo sat casually, finally at ease, in a restaurant. Seven days had rounded themselves into the recent past. Duo was up to speed and even more sorry for his foolishness. Caitlin, who was busy bussing tables at the restaurant, barely noticed them at the far back, shrouded by slight, dimly cast shadows.  
What are you going to do now?  
What should I do?  
Ticked by such a stupid question, Heero stirred his coffee. You love her don't you?  
Yes. She's my world, Heero.  
_Anything for the one you love_, remember? Practice what you preach. Now fix your own damn problems, I have to go settle my own scores.  
  
Bill McMillen sat in the middle of the floor in his condo bedroom with a load of insurance money surrounding him. He made an indignant face and snapped a rubber band from a wad of money at the woman who was sleeping in his bed. His mistress, a lady that went by the name Marla. She gurgled a strange vulgarity and got up--the sheets the only strip of material covering her naked form--snorted long and hard, pressing her eyes closed.  
Ew. You are so primitive. Use a Kleenex for christ's sake!  
She hocked up a wad of mucus and let it fly, nailing him right in the back of the head while he was shuddering in utter disgust. Bill screeched and roared that prostitutes were overrated and started chasing her, ass naked as the day she was born, through his house with a three hole punch flailing in the air.  
You deserve it, you dirty shit! Marla tugged on her clothes in the bathroom. You ruined the life of too many girls and their true loves, you deserve a lot more than the loogey of disrespect!  
Marla climbed out through the window, and when she reached the front of the house, she flipped him off. He stood behind the door, red as a cooked lobster.  
You should be castrated, you pig!  
  


**Intermission**  
  


greeted a young lady, sitting on a couch in front of a thirty two inch television and a large arrangement of flowers, I'm Casey Lou, the author of this fic.  
She stretched her legs out onto the coffee table and put away a stack of disorganized papers. I just wanted to tell you about my attempt here, and take up some spare time that I just can't seem to fill otherwise here in chapter nine.  
Well, I broke the keyboard after completing chapter four, but that doesn't matter because I don't post until after I'm completely done. Aside from that, I wrote chapters five to this one in a single night over a... she paused and stared at the ceiling to recount the time, I'd say a four or five, maybe even six hour span at the keyboard. With such notations as _you type fast_ from my mom and _Casey, you want some cake?_ here and there.   
About the history of _Sweetwater_. It started in February, 2001, inspired by the great movie _Girl, Interrupted_. It took a few weeks to get the idea into shape, but with plenty of time at the computer and an endless amount of personal support from myself and my writing confidant, I fumbled my way through the first four chapters without much more than a typed plan explaining each proposed chapter in fragmented sentences.  
As some inside information found here and here only, there are cameos. I show up and so does my writing confidante, personally. Not just as stock traits, but in actual form, other than a subtle name change. The characters in Sweetwater Mental Institution were based off of my own swinging moods. I'm not obsessive like Iris and I'm not violent like Krista, but those are the types of personalities you'd find me spouting off in an empty house...  
Um, anyway. Heero's affection for Hilde was my intent. I have a slight pang for sticking two characters together, to explore. Everything except for the sphincter! Don't expect me to write yaoi, it's too hilarious for me to even think of. Yes, I have read _two_ agonizingly funny yaois that weren't supposed to be funny--I don't think--so don't say that I'm homophobic and don't think I'm close minded. I'm about as wide open as a person can get. Lessee, Duo and Hilde, my first _Gundam Wing_ couple, are getting kind of old and tarnished for my tastes, so I try other pairings. Heero and Hilde, so on, blah blah blah.  
Casey turned the stereo on and put it on Disk Two. The plucking magic of Jimmy Page on his beloved Les Paul wafted through the air in the unmistakable intro to Stairway to Heaven. She smiled in a very pleased fashion and went on.   
During chapters four through...well, the one you're reading now, I was listening to Tom Petty. And if you know me from the deadened Beret & the Braid, you know that my first fiction was Learning to Fly. Please, Casey moans dramatically and crosses her legs Indian stye. Please, please don't hold that against me. I can't do anything with the site because I'm stuck on Mac trash which Yahoo doesn't support! So I'm screwed, tighter than a bolt! Oh, and the connection, Learning to Fly is a Tom Petty song. As well as a Pink Floyd one...?  
She gets up and goes into the kitchen, passing the famed computer currently holding a _Sorcerer Hunters_ background image, as well as the infamous fifty five gallon fish tank she stares at when she's lost the power of word. I want to apologize also for the shortness of the past chapters. I did write them in one night; a person gets worn down! Plus, I wanted to (WARNING: lame ass excuse coming up) experiment with rising action and climax.  
She gritted her teeth and shrugged characteristically.  
Okay, okay, I admit, that was an all out lie. But maybe it'll work, eh? Um, she gets out a carton of Minute Maid orange juice and pours a tall glass. What else is there?  
Her mother, Wanda, pulls into the driveway and Casey immediately shuts her mouth. She chugs the orange juice and turns the TV on to make herself appear as if she hadn't been speaking to anyone. Wanda walks in after unlocking the door and sighed a greeting to Casey.  
The bus didn't come again?  
  
Did you call the number?  
  
I swear to God! What is wrong with you? She raised her hands and changed her tune, I'm going to bed. Don't wake me up. Get online or something so the phone wont ring.  
Casey smiled evilly, mimicking the Grinch's curling smirk. No problem. I'll look up that information of Cancun.  
Not Cancun! Playa de Carmen!  
  
Her mother headed to her room and got ready to go to bed after her eight hour working fit through the night. Casey jumped up and hopped to the computer. Time to catch up on some fan fiction! Later!  
  


**End of Intermission  
  
  
  
...to be continued...**


	11. Default Chapter

10SW

  
ten  
  
I really didn't think that things could get any worse then, Hilde admitted, sitting comfortably in Dr. Wright's office. I mean, I was on life support.  
He nodded. Go on.  
But, then Midii came to visit and all of a sudden I realized that it wasn't worth it.  
What do you mean?  
It, you know, living in the past. I should learn from my mistakes, right?  
Yes, of course. If I didn't learn from mine, I'd probably be somewhere on earth selling crack cocaine.  
Hilde chuckled. I still love Duo, though. I really want to find out what happened, Dr. I want to know what's going on outside, too. I'm tired of getting the news trashed by Carlene. I'm ready to move on.  
I'm glad to hear that.  
She stretched out on the couch and laced her fingers behind her head. Do you think I've made good progress?  
Dr. Wright looked back through a folder of events. It's been six months, you've done a lot of great work and you're better than before.  
Smiling, Hilde sighed and closed her eyes to the swirled spackle that made up the doctor's ceiling. Do you think I can go back home?  
Things have changed out there. Are you ready to accept it?  
I have to. I don't belong in here, Hilde rolled onto her side, because I'm a survivor. And I need to show some thanks to my friends. I haven't seen them in such a long time.  
I can only hope that the other girls will pick up on yours and Midii's stellar recovery and get to work. He scribbled down some notes. I've signed you up for an examination. If things go smoothly, as I plan they will, I'll find out about getting you back in society.  
Hilde jumped up and reached over his desk to shake his hand. Thank you so much. She was about to leave, but stopped. What about my records? Will I ever be able to get a job?  
I'll find something.  
  
You're sure you want this job? It aint the best, you know?  
Duo nodded. I'd rather have this one than one on earth, sir.  
The man named Jenkins Lourne, stood up and stubbed his cigar to swat Duo's shoulder. Welcome aboard resource satellite MO3400, Duo Maxwell. Welcome.  
  
Days passed, and so did Hilde. By the end of the week she was signed up to start working. It was all under contract.   
  
_All right, here's the deal. You work at this place for a year without a problem and I'll wipe your stay here at Sweetwater clean off your record. And the work should get you prepared for a better job, too.  
  
_Hilde, there you go again!  
She nodded, picking up her things of her own will. Her arms were well toned now due to her weight training in the recent months. This time I think I'll be staying on the outside.  
Molly stood at her door. We're going to have to go through detox again, too.  
All the girls gathered in the hall to bid her farewell. Delilah brought her a bouquet of flowers from the garden in tradition and Samantha gave her a nicer looking quilt as a keepsake. Hilde gave everyone a hug and left block B for the last time. She loaded her things, buckled into the shuttle on its way to a nearby satellite, and bid her last adieu to her home. Her family.  
  
_Hilde stood in front of the doctors, having just told her about the job news. What's the name of this place?  
It's a resource satellite close to our orbit called M03400.  
  
_ Hilde remembered, watching Sweetwater move into the distance from her window. Time for a new beginning.  
  
Heero couldn't help but smile as Relena gave a speech in front of a crowd of aggressive men arguing with neighboring aggressive men over land and fertile soil. He stood in the high, unused balconies and crossed his arms, happy that she'd done so well with herself. But he couldn't help but wonder if she was as dependent on him as Hilde was on Duo. He was sure, though, that he wouldn't test it any more. She'd see him before the sun rose, and he'd make a habit of keeping her near. Love and life were too precious a thing to put on the back burner, and he'd learned it because of two people's own absurdity and tenaciousness.  
  
  
  


**End**


End file.
